I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
