Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
