i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
