He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
