Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
