Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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