he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
