No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
