I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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