Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
