new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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