Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
