I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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