I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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