Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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