i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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