Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
