It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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