Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
