hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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