Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
