how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
