I accidentally had phone sex last night
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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