Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
