If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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