He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
