i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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