yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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