how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
