everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
