ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Randomize
