Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
operation have a gay friend backfired
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
