i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
