Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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