This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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