Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
