And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize