She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
