i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
