i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
