you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Everyone says I win the strip club
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
