i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
