and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
