I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
