there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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