she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
