I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
pray to the hookup gods
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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