I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
