I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
