hotel room ftw
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
