In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
