Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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