we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
