she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
