so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
