is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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