I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
