She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
