I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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