I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
