I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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