i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
