You really coming over, don't trick.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
