One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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