i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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