alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it's like iHOP with fire
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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