just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
