The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My balls are so social today.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
