im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
