Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dick very happy bro
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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