Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
