As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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