ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
