My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
