i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
