If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
