At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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