I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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