Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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