She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
