Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
