Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
