Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Can Purell be used as lube?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
