ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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