East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
