I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
