Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
