she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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