Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize