She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
