My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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