make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
