Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize