Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
