No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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