***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize