and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
