There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
