plz talk dirty to me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
