He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize