Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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