I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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