Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
