was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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