Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
