Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
