too bad you live with your parents still
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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